Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
where are you?
Hypothermia
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
