So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
