This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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