The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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