its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
