Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
