Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
