C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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