Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
