does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
