i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
