Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
