I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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