Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
