What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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