ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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