now i know why i became what i already was.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
