he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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