quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
