apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
