nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
