her vagina looked like bernie madoff
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
