we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
