She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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