Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
