you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
