Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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