i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
