dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
