It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
