White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
