She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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