great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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