Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
