my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
