Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you win again, gameday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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