The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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