So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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