i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
