I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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