so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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