so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
