It's like God shit irony all over that family
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
