I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
