So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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