I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Plan B is the new Plan A
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she told me i tasted like america
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
