we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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