he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
