I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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