Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
