planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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