Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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