Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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