girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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