Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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