i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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