I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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