i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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