sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
