I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
