I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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