We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
