me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
