It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
