woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
