Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
