So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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