he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
