I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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