Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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