I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I DEMAND FORESKIN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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